The not-so-secret rule of relationship happiness

We’ve all seen movies where everything works out perfectly for couples. They meet, smile, fall in love, a bit of circumstantial struggles, but find each other again and that’s when the curtain closes.


Well. That’s the funnest part of the relationship. The so called ‘honeymoon period’ - you’ll experience butterflies, the excitement, the happiness, the warm fuzzy feeling. It’s all good and dandy until the next chapter begins.


The new chapter goes like this; I thought we were happy, my partner is not who I thought to be, we fight and I feel miserable afterwards, why am I unhappy?


Most of the fights you have, usually one is more aggressive than the other, and the other retrieves into one thick shell. And it usually is a waiting game until the dust settles for you to mend the relationship yet again.

Let’s not forget, it is extremely hard to navigate a relationship when you feel unhappy. And especially when you don’t quite know or articulate why that is.


So here’s the not-so-secret rule.

Relationships are a reflection of your life state.

What I mean by reflection is, if your default life state is sad, everything around you is going to be sad. If you’re unhappy, you will live in unhappiness. Take a step back in your relationship and examine what you see, and come back to your internal self and ask if what you see is what you’re exactly getting.


Whether you admit it or not, you manifest the environment every second of the day, because what you feel is what you’re projecting out into the world. And when you rely on your relationship to make you happy, you will, most of the time, fail to achieve happiness. Why? Because you’re abandoning your responsibility of your life state.


Abandoning responsibility of your life state, essentially welcomes this.

“Everything you feel, especially the negative ones, is your partner’s fault.”

And what makes it worse, is often times it’s a rabbit hole that gets harder to come out of.


Responsibility is a muscle. Emotion is a muscle. When you stop exercising, your muscles deteriorate. The abandonment of your life state, is welcoming the loss of your muscle that controls your life state.


Your life state belongs to you, the same way happiness or sadness belongs to you. And you are the one and only person who can be responsible, no matter how much we all want to blame others for the emotions we experience.


There you have it, the not-so-secret rule of relationships. Cherish and celebrate your responsibility of your life state without punishing the burden - your life state is what is going to set you free and live life in abundance.